Losing Sight and Perceptive.

22 Aug

Tomorrow is a mystery, but the future is always bright.

Scattered emotions, improperly managed feelings, and random thoughts constantly running through me has been life lately, finally had an epiphany, it all poured out on paper. Writing really is therapeutic, I’ve had too much on my mind: positive, negative, and indifferent. Thoughts on our current world, the future, my personal, professional, and romantic life. Today, I’m finally feeling more like myself again, all it took was hours of overthinking, constant confusion, cheeky deflection, depressing overanalyzations, and good friends providing doses of no sugarcoating tough yet gentle love. It’s been a life changing roller-coaster of a summer, with extreme highs and extreme lows; for the most part for the better.

It always amazes me how easily rationality and perspective get thrown out the window when you get lost in your head and emotions; quite difficult to get out of it. Sometimes a situation, a person, or something will stress you out so much that it throws you off or takes you off your game; you get distracted, you get lost, and you lose sight of things. Something can be the reason for your highs one minute, but then the cause of your lows the next. I don’t mind change, but when change occurs when everything seems to be going better than ever, perfect then seems to be the furthest thing from the realm of reality. It’s crazy how we can get confusingly blinded by something or someone that we forget our own value, along with everything one has to offer and has going for themselves. No matter how confident and self-aware we are, we all occasionally fall into that hole that is self-loathing, where we allow our self-value to be dictated by someone’s actions, passiveness, aggression, affirmations, displaced emotions, or lack of communication, that we completely lose sight of everything. All prospective gets lost and rationality ignored. Pride and emotions become the driving forces, the catalysts and causes of all irrational decisions that follow. Simple and avoidable things become issues, you then find yourself in a hole that you never intended to dig or ever be in. A hole that gets deeper and deeper with the aid and lack of proper communication.

Emotions truly are amazing, there’s something poetically and depressingly beautiful about them. Even as an adult you can instantly be reverted back into a child through pain and joy; two emotions, yet on opposite sides of the spectrum. Nevertheless, both emotions turn us into mental head cases with lack of self-control, it’s as if we completely forget how to cope or compartmentalize; everything becomes reactionary. We begin to say one thing, but do another, want one thing, yet do everything possible to push it away; maturity seems to become a distant thought. Is it a self-defense mechanism? I don’t know, maybe. I guess that’s just something we have to define for ourselves.

Communication and effort really are the keys to everything, the lost in translation unknown wondering world where context, tone, and rational conversation are nonexistent and irrationality is mayor is what drives us nuts. The known usually isn’t as bad as the wondering, even if an outcome isn’t the outcome you want or hope for it beats leaving things unresolved. I think for the most part, if you’re really honest with yourself about what you want out of life, life gives it to you. It might not be in the perfect or exact package nor at the exact moment that you want it. I believe you should fight for yours and not let go, but once you make your desires known and nothing happens there’s really not much else you can do. The only option you’re left with is to dust yourself off, pick up the pieces, and begin to try to move on. Yes, a lot easier said than done, but manageable once you take a step back, get out of your head, regain sight and place everything back in it’s proper perspective.

When I woke up this morning I knew something had changed in me, I felt it, the first thing that popped into my head was a quote from ‘Mighty Ducks:’

“I woke up, and the pain was gone.”

Of course it doesn’t happen overnight, but the important thing was that my mindset and outlook had improved; I felt good. Anytime you snap out of that unknown, mysterious, confusing, self-loathing, over-thinking, and over-analyzing spell it’s a wonderful feeling; it’s as if a weight has been lifted off your shoulders.

Self-doubt is a silent monster, when it seeps in it wreaks havoc.

Luckily I didn’t have to climb out of that hole alone, which is why it’s extremely crucial to surround yourself around positive people. People who bring out the best in you, encourage, genuinely care, want to see you happy and succeed. People who respect you enough to have real conversations, who look you in the face, who adore you, uplift you, yet still humble you and snap you back into reality when you’re losing your mind. People who feel comfortable dishing out the truth and unbiased direct honest advice without worry of losing friendships. If you find someone who cares, hold on to them; even if you are just friends, with everything happening in this crazy world it’s rare to come across genuine, agenda free, good-hearted people. Sometimes tough love is the best love, reminds you of who you are, what you have going for you, and how lucky you already are. I’m humble, not cocky, but confident enough to know I’m a catch, not a consolation prize. And far from a scrub, so it’s nice to have people in your life who tell you to stop acting like one and remind you to not allow yourself to be treated like one. Not out of disrespect, defiance, passive aggressiveness, or in response to others, but out of respect for yourself. You can’t force someone to be there, put effort in or force them to respect you, but you can choose to not be disrespected. The value you set for yourself is the value others will adhere to, belittling or undervaluing yourself will only allow others to do the same. It’s easy to lose sight of that. It’s easy to forget how blessed you are, what you have, where you are, that people do appreciate you, how far you’ve come, where you plan to go, what you have to offer, the options, opportunities, and possibilities you have.

I reflected on recent conversations with friends, one in particular, a friend who’s going through big changes in their lives that I could only imagine. I thought of the lives of those suffering daily, current events, and all the chaos in the world. It brought me further back to reality, a reality that really isn’t so bad. Realized I’m stressing over little things when I should be happy I can. Important things to me, nonetheless, not the end of the world. You can go from talking to someone or doing something everyday to not talking at all, and it feel like you lost a best friend and a piece of you. A big part of your life can come to a complete halt, yet life still and will go on; you must live it. The more clear minded you become you remember you’ve made it through worse, that others in this world are currently suffering, going through worse, and struggling to stay alive. The end of one thing isn’t the end of everything, it just may be what opens you up again, whether your heart, mind or reignites a passion; which inevitably prepares you for what’s to come next. Maybe it’s the thing that makes you realize everything that you want and are missing in your life, whether a relationship or your dream job. The boost that you needed that makes you even more inclined to go after those things. Either something happens or it doesn’t, all you can do is voice your intentions, if they’re received, reciprocated and met that’s great, if not then you begin to try to move on. Keep an open mind, be open to other possibilities, look at other options and take other opportunities. To get what you want you have to put yourself out there and sometimes have to lay it all on the line. Effort is a choice, happiness is a choice, sadness is a choice, wallowing and self-loathing are choices. If you want to be happy and know what makes you happy, then choose to be happy. Effort shouldn’t be a game, selective, nor an inconvenience.

So love the people who see you when you’re invisible to everyone else, go above and beyond for those people because they consistently do. Be so good in everything you do that they can’t ignore ya, so indispensable they can’t let go of ya, so hardworking an introduction won’t have to be made or come before ya. We make a choice, we act on that choice, and all that’s left is to live life and hope it all works out. I wish there were a rulebook for life, some kind of guide to tell us when where to turn right, to go left, to go forward or turn back. It would be nice if we could see everything coming, but I guess that would take all the fun out of it.

Once you accept and realize you don’t have to prove anything more, all you can do is face each day with resolve and faith; you move forward, always forward, and into what’s next. That goes for everything in life, whether it’s school, work, athletics, friendships, or romance. Life, people, and things change, it can be painful and come with a cost, but the sun always rises the next day. Sometimes there are no solutions, no easy answers, nothing you can do, but choose to live, choose to be happy, and just ride it out. As the sun sets on today, I’m choosing to believe that I did a pretty good job.

Photo By: Miiicha & Neruda

Follow: @nerdinajock

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10 Responses to “Losing Sight and Perceptive.”

  1. rhealism September 2, 2014 at 12:16 PM #

    Well said, bro. You speak raw like frostbitten wolf bite. I am moved.

  2. estellehaward September 8, 2014 at 1:23 PM #

    …That feeling when you break out of the vortex in your mind and head that sucks and spins your thoughts ever more out of balance is like breaking water…inhaling deeply…exhaling and smiling…life is indeed grand…

  3. ramonprds21 September 25, 2014 at 5:36 PM #

    There may not be a book to tell us where to go but there definitely is a book to live by!!! Called the “The Secret”

  4. fashionauthoritybobbie October 14, 2014 at 3:04 PM #

    Great blog. Very timely. I feel there is a reason I clicked on it and read the whole thing because I feel like you just wrote down all that my very soul has been aching to say. I have been feeling the same way. At least I know I’m not alone in the way I’m feeling. Good reminders to focus on the people and friends that know my worth and stop spending time and energy on those that don’t see it. Thank you.

  5. vivimila5 January 4, 2015 at 5:50 PM #

    i love this blog

  6. David Coulson-Lowes January 31, 2015 at 3:48 AM #

    Took the same journey myself a couple of years ago. What was key for me was finding positive people to be with and finding polite (and sometimes not so polite) ways to not be with those who allow negative emotions to rule their lives.
    It’s also amazing what the act of writing or simply going for a walk can do for your state of mind.
    Great article.

  7. DeAnna March 1, 2015 at 11:57 AM #

    WoW! This is so perfectly and beautifully expressed! It’s also SO on point for what I’ve been going through, and what I imagine others experience as well! Thank you for sharing. You’re an amazing writer!

  8. bridget3716 March 7, 2015 at 5:12 PM #

    Simply well written and inspiring.

  9. lifeomedia December 7, 2015 at 10:26 AM #

    Reblogged this on LifeoMediaHindi.

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  1. Losing Sight and Perceptive. | greentobe - March 7, 2015

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